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Anonymous said: are you invited to Keith's wedding? if so, can I be your date?

Honestly, I doubt it. Keith and I aren’t super close and I imagine his wedding would be on the smaller side (I’m assuming. Maybe I’m wrong.) If he invited me, it would be great, but I don’t expect that and I’m completely fine with that. Why do I feel like I’m being a little bitch as I type this? I don’t even like weddings! All that happiness in one confined space? Eugh! That said, Keith, I’ll for real be your best man. Or at least your pretty good man. And sure, you can be my date, provided that you’re not cr — wait, what am I saying? You’re a stranger on the Internet! What is wrong with me? Of COURSE you can be my date.

Anonymous said: what forums member would you most like to meet in person?

That’s a good question. Most of the people I’ve wanted to meet from the forums I’ve already met, thanks to the various live events that have occurred during my tenure. I will say this, and even though she isn’t on the forums much these days, Aunt Helen seems super rad (just based on internet talks with her) and is a published author, which means her lady coattails are ripe for the riding. (Just kidding.) Going the complete opposite direction, I kind of want to meet this WSEIII clown, but at a very safe distance. The guy scares the shit out of me, but that’s just because we’re different. Meeting him in person would probably put my prejudices to rest. And you, of course, author of this question.

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Anonymous said: Danny, how did you feel when you were nominated for a KATGuh, and do you think you will win?

I don’t think I was officially nominated for one yet. So I feel DEEPLY FUCKING DISAPPOINTED, THANKS FOR ASKING.

Just kidding, your support means the world to me.

dancingcabinet said: Since they were mentioned on the show, which Beatles song most reminds you of Keith and which one reminds you most of Chemda?

The Beatles song that reminds me most of Keith is “Every Rose Has Its Thorn” by Poison. The Beatles song that reminds me most of Chemda is the original score to the motion picture The Color Purple, by Quincy Jones. What I’m trying to say is, fuck the Beatles.

I dunno, probably something off Abbey Road for Keith and something from Revolver for Chemda.

hiromiyamoto27desu said: Are KATG interns paid?

Nope! Well, I don’t get paid, and I’m the one answering this question, so that’s the bottom line, friend-o. I have been paid for helping out at specific events or doing certain tasks, but as far as receiving a stipend or hourly pay, the answer is no. Luckily, I have another job, which is how I survive in this ridiculous, beautiful, asshole-ish, wonderful, piece of shit, gift from God city. But honestly, the experiences and connections are worth more than simple “money.” Not only did I get to meet an idol of mine in Scott Sigler, but I got to interview him on my own spin-off show. That’s very cool, and I wouldn’t trade any (well, most) of these experiences for the world. (I could part with Jeopardy and My Name Is Keith, I think.)

Anonymous said: What happened to Bruno?

You know, Bruno was a little bit before my time. All I know of him is from the whispers of his fabled past that I hear if I manage to listen closely enough, and also from that one video where he did everything the Internet told him to. I also know that Keith has probably disowned him as his son by now (history repeats itself, you guys.) But fear not, Bruno fans. While I may not know his whereabouts and goings-on, you might be able to find out! He has a regularly updated Twitter page, so maybe you can drop him a line and tell him how much you miss him.

Funny sidebar: I was worried for a while that I would become Bruno 2.0 (Brun.0?) because my beginnings at the Keith and The Girl show were, to put it charitably, rocky. I’ve since straightened up and am even, dare I say it, slowly but steadily inclining. Of course, hubris is a wicked temptress and karma is always right around the corner, so I’ll probably be fired by the time you even read this. Oh, hubris. I can’t quit you.

scannedfoto said: Would Keith and The Girl do a full show of only listener submitted questions?

Now there’s an idea. I’ll one-up you. Now, stick with me, okay? How about instead of one full show, they do a regular segment of listener submitted questions? And they can be answered by, say, an intern of theirs. I know it sounds pretty ridiculous, but I think you and I just came up with a hit, buddy.

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hiromiyamoto27desu said: What does it take to become an intern? Are Keith and Chemda always looking for interns?

Good question. What does it take to be an intern? I can’t speak for any of the other interns who have graced and will continue to grace the show, but personally, it takes a willingness to grow. That’s my boiled down answer. I moved to New York (and began my internship) a different person than who I am now. Nine months will do that to anyone, sure, regardless of the circumstances. But, through this internship, I’ve gained a sense of responsibility, creativity and fellowship. I know how super lame that sounds, but it’s true (for me, at least.) If you’re a person who’s just hell-bent on not letting experiences change you and allow you to grow, you do not have what it takes to be an intern for Keith and The Girl.

You also have to be a good sport about stuff. I learned that, maybe the hard way, as I went along. There are obviously going to be jokes, and some of them are going to be at your expense. You’ll shrug off some, appreciate the humor of others, but the rest are going to get to you, at least at first. You just have to learn to take them for what they are. They’re your friends, and they’re ragging on you just like you rag on them, just like you rag on everybody, just like everybody rags on you. Just like you should be ragging on me for that last sentence. I’m making sense, though, right? We’ve all been in that situation where we’re uncomfortable about the way something has gone down. You don’t have to make your time at Keith and The Girl one of those experiences. So don’t.

I don’t know if Keith and Chemda are always looking for interns, but they’ve mentioned on the show lately that they need some. If you’re on the fence about applying, let me be the one to push you over. Give it a try. Apply. (Look, I turned it into a poem.) 

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Anonymous said: Danny what if Keith and Chemda don't actually like you and they just have you on the show as a joke?

What if, huh?

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Anonymous said: Danny, do you like Nickleback?

Define “like.”

No, stupid. Of course I don’t like Nickelback. I used to, though. Oh, God, did I like Nickelback. I was eleven, under the influence of my peers and the desire to be popular, and yeah—I got into Nickelback. Sure. I liked them. That song they did for the first Spider-Man movie? I jammed to it. The one about the Photograph? I’ll cop to jamming to it, alone, in my room. 

But I’m a grownup now. You have to leave those petty things behind. Just like Green Day. Have you listened to Green Day as an adult lately? Aye yi yi. Not good. Not good.